Friday, November 5, 2010

I am trying to remember

I am trying to remember
what life was like before CFS.
how it was to
do things
watch things
climb things
without worry or concern.

I'm trying to remember what it was like
never to have to construct a plan B and an emergency kit
for every outing
to say "Yes, I'd love to!" to any invitation
to dance to pounding loud music
or float across the floor in a ballgown
to hike up mountains
and feel the strain and glorious pain in my legs
rewarded by magical, far reaching views
to swim in the cool of the ocean
and feel the water wash through me.

to be in crowds of people and hear the hush
before something wonderful is about to happen
to be in a swarm of people and language that is different
dizzy from the richness of a life and enthusiasm
painted by a different palette of colors.

I think it's freedom that I remember.

And what will I remember from now?
I hope to remember the freedom to live by my own clock,
exempt from the frenzy of silicon valley speed.
I hope to remember a life brimming
of art, animals and love.
A connecting of people with hearts
passionate about a common goal
the healing of me,
the healing of all of us.
Of squeezing the life out of each day
even if it's watching the sky stroll by my bedroom window
A living of paying close attention to myself, to others
and making decisions mindfully and in my own time.
That however hard they spin you, tornadoes pass
and love will find you wherever you may be tucked away.

I hope I will  remember. 


  1. Thank YOU! Thank YOU! Thank YOU!
    For your wonderful spirit. for all that YOU are. And for reminding me to be a better self.
    I love you so much.

  2. Dear Amberlin,

    You have expressed your own life experience in such an uplifting fashion, whether it was before the cfs or is after the cfs. I admire your strength and your positive attitude. You are setting an outstanding example for all of us.

    I love you, Dad

  3. Dr Itua cure my HIV, I have been a ARV Consumption for 10 years. i have been in pains until i came across Dr Itua on blogs site.I emailed him about my details of my HIV and my location i explained every thing to him and he told me that there is nothing to be scared of that he will cured me, he gave me guarantee,He ask me to pay for items fees so when i'm cured I will show gratitude I did and giving testimony of his healing herbs is what I'm going to do for the rest of you out there having HIV and other disease can see the good work of Dr Itua.I received his herbal medicine through EMS Courier service who delivered to my post office within 5 working days.Dr Itua is an honest man and I appreciate him for his good work.My GrandMa called him to appreciate him and rest of my friends did too,Is a joy to me that I'm free of taking Pills and having that fat belle is a will understand what i'm talking about if you have same problem I was having then not now though.I'm free and healthy Big Thanks To Dr Itua Herbal Center.I have his calendar too that he recently sent me,He Cure all kind disease Like,Cancer,Herpes,Fibromyalgia,Hiv,Hepatitis B,Liver/Kidney Inflamatory,Epilepsy,Infertility,Fibroid,Diabetes,Dercum,Copd ,and also Bring back Ex Lover Back..Here his Contact Or Whats_app Number +2348149277967